Star Wars Episode VI: A Summary

Yeah! This is the last time we'll use this photo. The last time today, anyway.

Yeah! This is the last time we'll use this photo. The last time today, anyway.

If you’re excited to see Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens but want to rewatch episodes 1-6 first – but just can’t seem to find the time – first of all: congratulations on having a life. What’s that like?

Second, we have exactly what you’re looking for, with six incredibly accurate synopses. There's just enough crucial detail in each summary that we've elected to break them apart into six different posts. This is Episode VI: Return of the Jetta. Remember this film OK or just don't care? You can quickly find synopses of the other films here:

Episode VI:  The Return of the Jetta

Everyone heads to Tattoo Ink in an attempt to rescue Indiana Jones, who is being held prisoner by a giant slug named Pizza the Hut. Leah and Lucas are dummies and both get captured, with Lucas and Indiana Jones being sentenced to death by way of Carl’s Sack, which is just as scary as it sounds.

Lucas battles his way out Carl’s Sack and Indiana Jones knocks Bubba Feta into Carl’s Sack. Everyone is happy and free (except for Bubba Feta, who is dead) and most return to the Rebel Wilson Fan Club headquarters. Lucas, however, returns to Daggonit to resume his training. But guess what? Yoga is dying! Before he kicks it, Yoga confirms that Dark Vader is Lucas’ pop-pop – and that there is another Skywalker. Opie-Wand’s ghost confirms Leah is the other Skywalker, and Lucas throws up repeatedly when he realizes he’s had the Hoths for his twin sister.*

The Rebel Wilson Fan Club realizes the emperor is building a new Death Star and travels to And/Or in an attempt to destroy it. There, they meet a group of adorable, little Mogwai who must NOT get wet after midnight. But they do get wet, and angry, and a conflict ensues. They soon dry off and become allies. Lucas informs Leah that he’s her brother from the same mother, and they were both spawned by Dark Vader.

Lucas surrenders himself to Vader and attempts to get his pop-pop to give up the darkness. Vader instead tries to convince Lucas to become a Cyst Lord, but Lucas said “that’s just grodie.” Meanwhile on And/Or, Indiana Jones is about to be captured by the Imperial Feet, but gets rescued by the Mogwai! The Rebel Wilson Fan Club is able to turn off the Death Star’s shield, which means it can be destroyed (déjà vu!).

Vader takes Lucas to Emperor Ovaltine aka Dark Sid Vicious. When Lucas refuses to become a Cyst, Dark Vader finally realizes Leah is Lucas’ sister (aka his daughter) and threatens to turn her to the darth side. Lucas becomes enraged and cuts off Vader’s fake right hand (so many right hands are lost in this series!). Sid Vicious tries to convince Lucas to kill his pop-pop and take his place, and when Lucas refuses, Sid Vicious attacks him with some serious lightning.

Dark Vader finally mans up and fights to save his kid. He kills Sid Vicious but is mortally wounded in the process. Lucas removes his helmet and cradles his father’s severely disfigured head as he dies in his robotic arm. The Rebel Wilson Fan Club soon defeats the Imperial Feet and destroys the Death Star. Leah reveals to Indiana Jones that Lucas is her brother, so he can cool his jets and kiss her already.

Lucas cremates his pop-pop on And/Or, and then sees the spirits of Yoda, Opie-Wand and the redeemed Annie Kin released from Voldemort’s wand. They are watching over the Rebel Wilson Fan Club, which makes Lucas smile.

*OK, so he doesn’t actually do this. But he should have! That plot twist is just gross.