Old Navy, New Rage

Whoever designed the clasp on this Old Navy dress did NOT have people with hair in mind. Which is odd when you consider the majority of potential buyers fit that very description.

In fact, I lost a few chunks of hair throughout the day before getting it stuck so badly, I couldn’t move my neck. I was walking to my car at the time and had my keys in my hand when I tried freeing my hair from the clasp’s iron grasp.

So naturally my keychain ALSO got stuck, which means I’m in a public space with my keys stuck in my hair AND my hair so stuck in the clasp that I can’t straighten my neck. Mind you, this is a Toy Story keychain, so I’m walking around with Forky AND my keys in my hair.

(I kept my hand on the keys and just pretended I actually wanted them there BECAUSE PEOPLE WERE STARING.)

So I unlock my door by clicking the remote entry button ON MY HEAD, get in, sit down and somehow manage to free the keychain. But my hair is still caught in the clasp. 

I’m contorting as much as I can despite the pain and finally work it loose. I drive home, talk to neighbors, walk inside and put on a sweater (it’s 85F) to cover the clasp and prevent another incident.

I soon discover WITH HORROR that my contorting caused the zipper to be knocked off track, which led to the two sides separating. This, as you have likely sorted out, resulted in A GIANT GAPING HOLE along my backside.

(I’m not sure when it first appeared, but I suspect it was there in time for a few dozen people to see.) 


Next I’m trying to remove the dress, but I can’t because the zipper is stuck at the top. I do what I can for a few minutes before finally confronting the inevitable: I was going to have to go full-on HULK.

There’s no video evidence to prove it, but I’m pretty sure I roared as I reached behind my back, grabbed the top of my dress on both sides AND RIPPED IT IN TWO.

(If you’re wondering what material this dress is made out of, you’ll just have to trust me when I say it’s as close as you can get to carbon steel while still having pliability.)

So now my dress is in the trash along with my ego. All a long way of asking: anyone out there have some Super Cash burning a hole in their pocket? I know a girl who could use it, and she cannot afford the luxury of a lesson learned.