Baby intentionally ruins Chicago man's flight

DENVER, Co–Chicagoan Lance Hardwick was heading home from Denver today when an unruly passenger ruined his otherwise textbook flight.

Man unable to enjoy eye-level sunset due to Machiavellian infant

Man unable to enjoy eye-level sunset due to Machiavellian infant

"I travel a lot for work, but I've never experienced anything like this," said Hardwick. "I mean, sure, I've encountered turbulence, one emergency landing and a drunken Charlie Sheen, but those are all to be expected. Never in a million years did I think I'd have to deal with someone who intentionally ruined my flight."

Hardwick knew the passenger was trouble right from the start.

"I was standing in line in Group 3, and I turn to Group 4 only to see this kid scowling at me. She makes eye contact with me and starts making all of these weird sounds," said Hardwick. "It was really annoying."

Hardwick took comfort in knowing that the child was a group behind him and so would be boarding after him and was unlikely to be seated next to him, but he soon got the shock of his life.

"I'd been standing in line a good 30 minutes – way longer than this kid – when the airline announced overhead that 'parents with small children' could board. So they got on WAY before me – which is totally unfair – and the kid had the nerve to smile at me as she boarded," said Hardwick. "Don't get me wrong, it wasn't one of those innocent goo-goo ga-ga smiles. This was a genuine, shit-eating grin."

Hardwick stated that although the child didn't scream a ton during the flight, "She sometimes whined a bit," which he said was "completely inexcusable."

"My company paid good money for this flight," he continued. "I expect the airline employees as well as my fellow passengers to be far more civil."

The passenger in question, four-month-old Madison Matthews, was unavailable for comment.