New Chicago Resident Can't Wait To Swim In Lake Michigan's Pristine Waters

 Beautiful Monroe Harbor

Beautiful Monroe Harbor

CHICAGO, Ill.–Citing a love of aquatic sports and the lake's proximity to her new Gold Coast apartment, St. Louis transplant Judith Law is already looking forward to summer.

"I'm a little bummed I chose to move to Chicago in the fall, because one of the things that really drew me here was the lake and the miles upon miles of beachfront. I mean, Lake Michigan is massive. Allow yourself to forget you're in the middle of this country, and you'd almost think it's an ocean," said Law.

 Geese enjoying a pile of human waste along Chicago's shoreline

Geese enjoying a pile of human waste along Chicago's shoreline

Law noted she's heard Chicagoans swim in it all summer long, and she "can't wait for that first warm day when the beaches open up and I can allow the lake's pristine waters to wash all over my delicate, disease-prone body."

Law admitted she hasn't fully researched reports concerning the water's quality, but insists it "must be clean" if the beaches fill up every day in the summer and "geese clearly enjoy it here" in the colder months.

"I have to admit though," she added. "I've been a little concerned by the number of dead fish and floating debris I've see during my walks around the lake. But I assume they clean all of that up with profuse amounts of chlorine by summer time, right? Or does it all just eventually sink to the bottom?"

"Out of sight, out of mind," she said.

Noting a basic modicum of "human decency," Law also isn't the least bit concerned about people using the lake as a giant toilet and/or garbage receptacle.

"They have port-a-pots and trash cans along the beaches for a reason," Law concluded. "With such proximity to reasonable ways of disposing of human waste, both biological and commercial, surely everyone uses them."