SOUTH WHITLEY, Ind.—Owing to the complete and total lack of “making an ounce of sense,” Indiana resident Annie Maxwell, 61, did not turn back her clock for Daylight Saving Time last night.
“I didn’t ‘spring forward’ a few months ago, so my clocks stay correct 100% of the year,” said Maxwell. “Meaning there was no need for me to ‘fall back’ this morning.”
Rather than use expressions like “daylight savings [SIC] time” and “standard time,” Maxwell insists there are two ways of denoting time: “right time” and “wrong time.”
In the spring and summer, much of the country is on “wrong time,” according to Maxwell. “I don’t spring forward, so I always know what time it really is.”
Indiana was one of the last states to adopt Daylight Saving Time, followed only by Arizona and Hawaii in its refusal to join the rest of the country, and much of Europe, in their “illogical quest to play with time.” Indiana made the switch in 2006, much to the chagrin of its populace, who has been slow to accept the shift.
“I just don’t understand it,” Maxwell admitted. Her eldest son, Joe, lives in nearby Chicago, which follows Central Time. Most of Indiana falls within the Eastern Time Zone—and Joe made the move to Chicago before Indiana started participating in Daylight Saving Time—which has further complicated matters for Maxwell.
“When I first moved here—before Indiana started doing Daylight Savings [SIC]—our clocks would match for half of the year," said Joe. "The other half of the year, I’d be an hour behind Indiana. That alone was confusing for Mom, but now that Indiana also does Daylight Savings [SIC] Time, it’s doubly so. She’ll call me and ask, ‘What time is it there? Are you in the same time as us now, or an hour ahead?' I have to explain, pretty much every time we talk, that I’m always an hour behind her, regardless of the time of year.”
Maxwell admits that keeping her clocks on “right time” all year has resulted in confusion when it comes to keeping appointments. “In the spring and summer I’m often an hour early—or am I an hour late? I’m really not sure. Point is: I try to take care of business in the late fall and winter, when everyone’s clocks are correct. Though I can see my dentist anytime I want—he stays on ‘right time’ all year as well.”
Maxwell isn’t alone in her frustration. Contrary to popular belief, Daylight Saving Time wasn’t started to help out farmers, who actually fought bitterly against the concept, but rather to conserve energy, something multiple studies have proven it’s failed to do. And if you think Daylight Saving Time is good for your health, think again: studies have shown heart attack rates increase by as much as 10% when we “spring forward” and decrease when we “fall back.”
“I’m really not surprised to hear that, but there’s even more to it than facts and figures,” said Maxwell, waxing philosophical. “God doesn’t play dice with the universe, so why should we play Yahtzee with our clocks?”
“My clock, my choice,” she concluded.