No Matter Who Wins, We Lose

Never in my lifetime has this country been so terrifying, so ugly, so very obtuse. No matter who wins November 8, we all lose.

One candidate because he’s a dangerous megalomaniac who built his campaign on a foundation of hate and refuses to comply with election results.

The other because she’s lost in the shadow of a pseudo-scandal that most people fail to comprehend (and frankly don’t even bother to try).

If he wins, we have failed as a nation. Because it means we're uglier than he is, and there will be no turning back.

If she wins, his opponent has already laid the foundation for civil unrest. His followers have quite literally threatened the election with their muskets.

And make no mistake: they have much more sophisticated guns than that.

I feel sad. Disgusted. Battered. Torn. This should be a time to excite, not a time to incite, but what started with Trump encouraging his supporters to punch protesters has turned into an all-out call to arms.

To say we’re entering into dangerous territory is to deny the obvious: that it has been dangerous for months, and grown increasingly so as more and more once-rational people turned a blind eye to serious indiscretions as they pieced together a weak case for voting for Trump.

"He doesn't mean what he says," they say. "You're taking it out of context," they say (even when faced with the context in its entirety). And to that I say: he has shown us, repeatedly, the kind of man he is. Which is to say: not a kind man at all. 

He was a known misogynist and racist well before this election even began. And yet you rallied behind him.

He threatened to have his opponent killed. Then imprisoned. And then admitted he might not accept election results unless he wins. He flip-flopped. He contradicted himself.

He has threatened to restrict freedom of the press – and accused the media of outright lies – despite all audio and videotape evidence to the contrary. And his numbers rose.

This thrice-married man with very public infidelities was caught on camera ADMITTING to being a sexual predator – and yet when women stepped forward to say, “Yes, it’s true, he did that to me,” it was as if you’d already forgotten how he lewdly bragged about grabbing women without their permission.

He’s promised to make America great again, but has yet to tell us what that means. What era will we return to? The one before women could vote? The one where black people had to sit in the back of the bus? Or will we roll back the clock to the 90s, an era without war but with ample financial stability – and our first President Clinton?

Because Trump has very publicly praised Bill Clinton’s presidency. There’s video evidence to prove it. Don’t believe me? Click that previous link. Still won’t believe me? Then you’re why we’re in this mess.

This is very dangerous territory, indeed. But it’s been that way for a while. We just feel it now more so than ever, with the election a few days away as we face the very real prospect of a very surreal future.

Is Hillary my first choice? No. Does Hillary have skeletons? Yep. Does she have some people donating to the Clinton Foundation that give me pause? Yes. But the same could be said tenfold for Trump and his foundation. But one key difference people keep forgetting: the Clinton Foundation has actually done some good in the world. Trump used his foundation to buy portraits of himself.

That’s telling. And if you don’t understand why – if you don’t understand just how dangerous it is to grant power to an egomaniac who has repeatedly demonstrated a quick temper but slow wit – then you haven’t read your history books. 

For the rest of us, the future is unsettling. Because no matter who wins, we all lose.

Trump has already made sure of that.

On The Issues – Quotes From Trump And Past Presidents

Trump Cat

Trump Cat

ON WALLS
"Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall." Ronald Reagan

"I will build a great wall — and nobody builds walls better than me, believe me —and I'll build them very inexpensively. I will build a great, great wall on our southern border, and I will make Mexico pay for that wall. Mark my words." Donald Trump

 

ON SERVING YOUR COUNTRY
"Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country." John Fitzgerald Kennedy

"He's not a war hero. He was a war hero because he was captured. I like people who weren't captured." Donald Trump

 

ON SAYING THINGS YOU SHOULDN’T
"I have never been hurt by anything I didn't say." Calvin Coolidge

"You know, it really doesn’t matter what [the media] write as long as you’ve got a young and beautiful piece of ass." Donald Trump (1991 interview for Esquire)

 

ON BEING A PARENT
"I’m inspired by the love people have for their children. And I’m inspired by my own children, how full they make my heart. They make me want to work to make the world a little bit better. And they make me want to be a better man." Barack Obama

"She does have a very nice figure . . .  if [she] weren't my daughter, perhaps I'd be dating her." Donald Trump



ON FEAR
"The only thing we have to fear is fear itself." Franklin Delano Roosevelt

"When Mexico sends its people, they're not sending their best [sic]. They're sending people that have lots of problems. They're bringing drugs. They're bringing crime. They're rapists." –Donald Trump

 

ON RACE
"If slavery is not wrong, nothing is wrong." Abraham Lincoln

"Laziness is a trait in the blacks. ... Black guys counting my money! I hate it. The only kind of people I want counting my money are short guys that wear yarmulkes every day." Donald Trump

 

ON FREEDOM OF EXPRESSION
"We need not fear the expression of ideas—we do need to fear their suppression."  Harry Truman

"Nobody wants to say this and nobody wants to shut down religious institutions or anything, but you know, you understand it. A lot of people understand it. We’re going to have no choice [but to close down mosques]." Donald Trump

 

ON RESPECTING OTHERS
"Don't try to fine-tune somebody else's view." George H. W. Bush

"You could see there was blood coming out of her eyes. Blood coming out of her wherever." –Donald Trump, insulting Fox News anchor Megyn Kelly over questions she asked during the first Republican primary debate

 

ON COMMUNITY
"We need a spirit of community, a sense that we are all in this together. If we have no sense of community, the American dream will wither." Bill Clinton

"People love me. And you know what, I have been very successful. Everybody loves me." Donald Trump

 

ON RESPECTING DIFFERENCES
"If we cannot end now our differences, at least we can help make the world safe for diversity." –John Fitzgerald Kennedy

"Look at that face. Would anyone vote for that? Can you imagine that? The face of our next president? I mean, she's a woman, and I'm not supposed to say bad things, but really, folks, come on. Are we serious?" –Donald Trump, regarding Carly Fiorina

 

ON FOOLS
"You can fool all of the people some of the time, and some of the people all of the time, but you cannot fool all of the people all of the time." –Abraham Lincoln

"Sorry losers and haters, but my I.Q. is one of the highest – and you all know it! Please don't feel so stupid or insecure, it's not your fault." –Donald Trump



ON FREEDOM OF THE PRESS
"Absolute freedom of the press to discuss public questions is a foundation stone of American liberty." Herbert Hoover

“You wouldn't have your job if you weren't beautiful." –Donald Trump (spoken to a female reporter)

 

ON THE SHAPE OF THINGS
"We did not come to fear the future. We came here to shape it." Barack Obama

"My fingers are long and beautiful, as, it has been well documented, are various other parts of my body." –Donald Trump

 

ON LIMITS
"Recognizing and confronting our history is important. Transcending our history is essential. We are not limited by what we have done, or what we have left undone. We are limited only by what we are willing to do." George W. Bush

“You can never be too greedy.” –Donald Trump

 

ON CHANGE
"Change will not come if we wait for some other person, or if we wait for some other time. We are the ones we've been waiting for. We are the change that we seek." –Barack Obama

“Everything in life is luck.” –Donald Trump

 

ON ENEMIES
"Do I not destroy my enemies when I make them my friends?" –Abraham Lincoln

“I don’t like losers.” –Donald Trump

 

ON FOREIGN POLICY
"The best way to enhance freedom in other lands is to demonstrate here that our democratic system is worthy of emulation." –Jimmy Carter

“My favorite part [of Pulp Fiction] is when Sam has his gun out in the diner and he tells the guy to tell his girlfriend to shut up. Tell that bitch to be cool. Say: 'Bitch be cool.' I love those lines.” –Donald Trump (TrumpNation: The Art of Being The Donald, 2005)

 


ON KINDNESS
"I want a kinder, gentler nation." George H.W. Bush

“All the women on The Apprentice flirted with me — consciously or unconsciously. That’s to be expected.” –Donald Trump

 

ON BREASTFEEDING MOTHERS
"You're disgusting, you're disgusting." –Donald Trump

This cat predicted all of the mayoral and gubernatorial winners in last night’s elections–you’ll never guess who she’s picked to win President

i can haz prezident

i can haz prezident

CHICAGO, Ill.—There might not have been any elections in Chicagoland last night, but that didn’t prevent one north-side feline from accurately predicting the winner in every race she was asked about.

Miss Beatrice Featherbottom, 8 in cat years (40 in human), was given a cell phone with a list of races and candidates, and was asked to touch the screen whenever the name of the winner appeared. She was asked about 36 different elections, and correctly guessed each one.

“I wouldn’t call it ‘guessing,’” corrected her human confidant, Maya West. “She really has a sixth sense when it comes to stuff like this. It’s uncanny. There were only a few races where she even hesitated. For the most part, she knew right away. And regardless of whether or not she paused, she was always spot-on.”

From the elections of Republicans Matt Bevin and Phil Bryant to the governors’ seats in Kentucky and Mississippi, respectively, to lesser-known mayoral races—like Indiana’s Columbia City—Miss Beatrice Featherbottom’s record is untarnished.

“She also predicted Rahm Emanuel’s reelection back in April,” said Maya. “Which was somewhat bittersweet for her, as Emanuel is adamantly opposed to granting animals the right to vote."

Once news of Miss Beatrice Featherbottom's successful predictions began to spread, she was approached to also call the 2016 Presidential election.

Bert + Ernie = Bernie

Bert + Ernie = Bernie

“She seems to feel pretty strongly that Ben Carson’s popularity will tank in the next month or so, at which point Trump will—like his hair in an autumn breeze—rise again, and approach Carson to be his running mate,” said Maya. “But she's not really happy about it; after she selected those two, she made a sound that could only be described as the cat equivalent of a depressed sigh. As for the Democratic ticket, we’re looking at a Clinton/Sanders lineup. I know, because she keeps pulling up videos of two appropriately named Muppets on my phone.”

As for the final winner, Miss Beatrice Featherbottom has been a little more hesitant. “She honest-to-goodness starts shaking whenever I ask her. I’m pretty sure that’s her way of saying, ‘No matter who wins, we’re screwed.'”