Shopping in the Time of Corona

Anyone else experience serious anxiety just thinking about going to the grocery store? We’re running low on a few things, and I went to bed knowing I’d need to go shopping today. I had grocery-related nightmares. All. Night. Long.

Nothing but broken eggs. Only one package of TP (and it’s open, dirty, missing rolls — and still being fought over). No cooking oil, no flour, no yeast. Masked customers shaming me for not having one (and me trying to fend them off while explaining I can’t sew).

Unmasked customers heckling me for wearing a makeshift one (it appeared out of thin air, y’all). “You know those don’t really help, right?” they say with a smirk.

And then waking up in a sweat and realizing, with horror, that my dream wasn’t far off from the potential reality. I’ll be heading out soon. Cover me.

The Pandemic (From the Perspective of a Three Year Old)

My daughter’s favorite stuffy has been bedridden with a terrible cold for two days now. She’s also started writing/singing songs about needing to stay home to stay well.

We’ve had to walk a fine line between being open and honest with her — and keeping her at peace. But invariably every time we have to explain something new (why play dates are cancelled... why we aren’t going to preschool... why we can’t go to the playground... why we can’t go to restaurants... why we can’t go visit grandma...), the stress digs in a little deeper, no matter how delicately we deliver the words.

Just a reminder that even the littlest humans are indeed still human, and this is a tough time for them, too.

So be patient. Walk away if you get angry, and give them a hug even when their sadness defies all reason. Do whatever you can to make the most of this time together, and when all else fails, remember to give yourself a break, too.

The Dying of the Light

It has been two months since my father took his last breath. Two months, and still the most innocuous of scenes can trigger a gut punch that renders me nauseous and exhausted, craving sleep to shut out the memories.

Yesterday some loose skin on my daughter’s dry lips had that very effect. I don’t think I will ever look at faces the way I did before.

And I appreciate the beauty of a sip of water more than ever, knowing that some day there might come a time when I want nothing more and yet: cannot swallow.

Does anyone ever truly go “gentle” into that good night? Years ago when I first read Dylan Thomas’ best-known poem — quite possibly in my father’s seventh grade English class — I thought the poet’s words were solely a command to his father.

But now, a little wiser and certainly more weary, I see the poem’s “rage” in an entirely new light.

Two months have passed. And I am seething.

A Plea for Kindness

If you are heading to the grocery store today to stock up on essentials — whether it’s your usual weekly run or you’re buying a little extra “just in case” — please remember to be kind to the store’s employees.

While so many work spaces are closing down and/or switching to “work from home” protocol, these (most likely underpaid) employees continue to show up to work every day in what are increasingly high-stress situations.

We all know that medical personnel, EMTs, police officers and firefighters are “essential personnel” in times of crisis, but we are realizing now that store employees and delivery people are playing a critical role as well.

So while the “Be kind” advice applies even under normal circumstances, it’s especially true now. Be kind, be patient, be understanding and don’t take more than you need.

And if they don’t have what you need, instead of yelling: simply try another store and/or go back tomorrow (just exercise good hygiene before, during and after your visit).

Lost Between Worlds

This was my first trip to my hometown without a dad to visit (memorial services notwithstanding). It felt upside down and incomplete, like holding a glass to your lips and expecting one drink, but finding yourself instead tasting another. The two flavors — one a ghost, the other your reality — at odds between your brain and your tongue as you fight to understand: What tyranny is this?