Netflix to Charge Users $1 for Failing to Rewind Videos

Be Kind and Rewind – or Pay Up

Be Kind and Rewind – or Pay Up

LOS GATOS, Calif. – Netflix announced on Monday that they will soon begin charging users a $1 fee if they fail to rewind a video after watching it. This fee applies not just to streaming services, but DVD and Blu-Ray rentals as well.

“Our call centers have been overrun with complaints from customers who’ve attempted to view movies from the beginning, only to find videos starting midway through,” said public relations manager Stephanie Meriwether. “We didn’t think this was possible, but we had our movie scientists look into it, and they confirmed the problem is caused by users failing to rewind videos, thereby leaving the movie at some random point when the next user goes to watch it.”

“We had to hire a team dedicated specifically to rewinding DVDs and streaming videos,” Meriwether continued. “This $1 penalty will help recoup that cost without further raising monthly fees for our more responsible customers.”

Netflix is already rolling out a $1 increase in monthly fees for its most popular plan, and insists the two increases aren’t related.

When asked about this penalty, many Netflix customers were baffled.

“Is this an April Fool’s joke?” asked one user. “Or some lame attempt at humor that you’ll find on some unknown chick’s quote unquote ‘satire’ blog?”

Another was determined to step up her BE KIND, REWIND game.

“I remember my mom telling me once about machines that did nothing but rewind videos,” said Dakota Masters, 20. “I guess I’ll look into getting one of those, because I really don’t want to wear out the rewind button on my remote.”

The Past, Present and Future of Thanksgiving

The first-ever Thanksgiving in the United States occurred, by most accounts, in 1621. Wampanoag Indians were invited to attend, in thanks for helping the Pilgrims survive their first year here.

Within 50 years, more than half of that tribe died from smallpox -- introduced to them by the Pilgrims -- or from King Philip's War (a war fought against the colonists who were attacking them and taking their land). Many who survived that war -- men, women and children -- were sold into slavery.

We all know what happened after that. Tribes were slaughtered, enslaved, and/or pushed further and further west onto small patches of land. Comparatively few remain today on these "reservations." And while we might feel we've come so far since those times -- that we're better people now than we were then -- the present continues to challenge that notion.

Today the Dakota Access Pipeline (DAPL) threatens the water supply of the Standing Rock Sioux Tribe in North Dakota. Tribes from across the country have gathered to peacefully protest the pipeline, and have been joined by environmentalists and even U.S. military veterans. Many police dispatched in the name of DAPL have refused, or gone home. Because it's easy for anyone to see that what's happening in North Dakota is wrong.

But that doesn't mean the battle is over. There is a lot of money -- in very greedy hands -- supporting the pipeline, and as we know in this country, the people with money are the people with power. And so the standoff continues.

This week, water protectors were attacked with water cannons (in freezing weather), tear gas, concussion grenades, and rubber bullets. I watched live feed from these events and can see no violent acts on behalf of the protesters that would warrant this assault. Hundreds were injured; one suffered a heart attack; and one woman lost her arm (it was hit by a concussion grenade).

All because they're peacefully protecting their water. The most basic of human needs. The most basic of human rights.

Without it, we die.

The struggle in North Dakota isn't quibbling over property rights.

It's a fight for survival.

The lack of moral outrage -- and abysmal media coverage -- of these events is little short of heartbreaking.

So as you give thanks today, as you enjoy time with family and friends, please don't forget our nation's past. Or its present. If we keep turning a blind eye to both, there's little hope for the future. 

If you have the means, please consider giving to the people fighting, peacefully, for their cause. If you can't afford to donate, there are other ways you can help

Water cannons and tear gas -- a chemical weapon banned from international conflict and many police  forces around the world since 1993 -- dispersed on water protectors camping out near the pipeline. Photo credit unknown to me, but if you have h…

Water cannons and tear gas -- a chemical weapon banned from international conflict and many police  forces around the world since 1993 -- dispersed on water protectors camping out near the pipeline. Photo credit unknown to me, but if you have his/her information, please send it my way and I'll update the post. 

Water > Oil

10 REASONS TO SIGN THE PETITION TO STOP THE DAKOTA ACCESS PIPELINE (DAPL)

If you haven't already done so, please consider signing the petition to halt the Dakota Access Pipeline (DAPL). Here's why: 

  1. Water is greater than oil. Without water, we die.
  2. The land the pipeline cuts through was granted to the Sioux People in 1851 via the Fort Laramie Treaty. This is their land.
  3. The U.S. Government has failed to make good on that treaty, and claims the Sioux People are trespassing. Let's say the land doesn't belong to them (though it does). One leak from the pipeline could destroy their only water source. 
  4. Think that will never happen? It just did.
  5. Think the government wouldn't approve anything that could potentially harm its citizens? Remember Flint, MI (where, by the way, residents still don't have clean water).
  6. Police departments from around the country have been dispatched to "defend" the pipeline. Many have refused to go. And U.S. military veterans have announced they will be joining the protestors in the coming days. In sum: This isn't a battle between police and civilians; it's a battle between right and wrong.
  7. The abuse must stop. On November 20, tear gas, water cannons (in freezing temperatures), concussion grenades and rubber bullets were used for hours against peaceful water protectors. Hundreds were injured, some severely. (Tear gas, by the way, has been classified as a chemical weapon and banned from international conflict - and police departments around the world - since 1993). 
  8. Time is running out. The day after Thanksgiving - the most ironic of days - the Army Corps of Engineers used this senseless act of violence as an excuse to issue a statement telling the Sioux People to vacate their camp by December 5 for their own safety. Those who refuse to leave will be held liable for any injury inflicted upon them. In other words: we've given you a taste of what we can do; leave your own land, or we will hurt you.
  9. There have been two petitions. If you signed the first one - which successfully prompted President Obama to temporarily halt the pipeline - that doesn't mean you've signed this one (whose purpose is to permanently stop construction). If you aren't sure which petition you signed, check this one out to see.
  10. The cliché is true: Those who fail to remember the past are doomed to repeat it. 

Still aren't comfortable signing the petition? Want more information before you do? Here's some history on the pipeline. Check it out, digest it, and determine which side of history you will be on: those defending clean water, those defending the pipeline, or those who do nothing. 

No Matter Who Wins, We Lose

Never in my lifetime has this country been so terrifying, so ugly, so very obtuse. No matter who wins November 8, we all lose.

One candidate because he’s a dangerous megalomaniac who built his campaign on a foundation of hate and refuses to comply with election results.

The other because she’s lost in the shadow of a pseudo-scandal that most people fail to comprehend (and frankly don’t even bother to try).

If he wins, we have failed as a nation. Because it means we're uglier than he is, and there will be no turning back.

If she wins, his opponent has already laid the foundation for civil unrest. His followers have quite literally threatened the election with their muskets.

And make no mistake: they have much more sophisticated guns than that.

I feel sad. Disgusted. Battered. Torn. This should be a time to excite, not a time to incite, but what started with Trump encouraging his supporters to punch protesters has turned into an all-out call to arms.

To say we’re entering into dangerous territory is to deny the obvious: that it has been dangerous for months, and grown increasingly so as more and more once-rational people turned a blind eye to serious indiscretions as they pieced together a weak case for voting for Trump.

"He doesn't mean what he says," they say. "You're taking it out of context," they say (even when faced with the context in its entirety). And to that I say: he has shown us, repeatedly, the kind of man he is. Which is to say: not a kind man at all. 

He was a known misogynist and racist well before this election even began. And yet you rallied behind him.

He threatened to have his opponent killed. Then imprisoned. And then admitted he might not accept election results unless he wins. He flip-flopped. He contradicted himself.

He has threatened to restrict freedom of the press – and accused the media of outright lies – despite all audio and videotape evidence to the contrary. And his numbers rose.

This thrice-married man with very public infidelities was caught on camera ADMITTING to being a sexual predator – and yet when women stepped forward to say, “Yes, it’s true, he did that to me,” it was as if you’d already forgotten how he lewdly bragged about grabbing women without their permission.

He’s promised to make America great again, but has yet to tell us what that means. What era will we return to? The one before women could vote? The one where black people had to sit in the back of the bus? Or will we roll back the clock to the 90s, an era without war but with ample financial stability – and our first President Clinton?

Because Trump has very publicly praised Bill Clinton’s presidency. There’s video evidence to prove it. Don’t believe me? Click that previous link. Still won’t believe me? Then you’re why we’re in this mess.

This is very dangerous territory, indeed. But it’s been that way for a while. We just feel it now more so than ever, with the election a few days away as we face the very real prospect of a very surreal future.

Is Hillary my first choice? No. Does Hillary have skeletons? Yep. Does she have some people donating to the Clinton Foundation that give me pause? Yes. But the same could be said tenfold for Trump and his foundation. But one key difference people keep forgetting: the Clinton Foundation has actually done some good in the world. Trump used his foundation to buy portraits of himself.

That’s telling. And if you don’t understand why – if you don’t understand just how dangerous it is to grant power to an egomaniac who has repeatedly demonstrated a quick temper but slow wit – then you haven’t read your history books. 

For the rest of us, the future is unsettling. Because no matter who wins, we all lose.

Trump has already made sure of that.

Father-To-Be Catalogs Descent Into Dad Bod

Sure, expectant dads often experience sympathy pains when their significant other has a little one on the way, but did you know dads also tend to pack on the pounds during those 40 precious weeks?

Dad-to-be Oliver Digglesworth has been cataloging his weight gain, and he's ready to share his new physique with the world.

"It's unfortunate how much dad shaming goes on today," said Oliver. "It's completely normal to pack on a few pounds when you're expecting, and I'm not afraid to show it. I mean, what better day than February 14? So many people owe their existence to this Hallmark occasion."

When asked if he expects his weight to bounce back after the birth of his child, Oliver was skeptical.

"If nothing else," he said, "This is just the beginning."