Top 10 Ways To Stop Gun Violence

  1. Arm children and developmentally disabled adults so they can defend themselves when a-holes violate what should be a safe haven.
  2. More blockbuster films that glorify consequence-free violence.
  3. Teach gang members how to properly shoot guns, so kids and other innocent victims stop getting caught in the crossfire.
  4. Blame gun laws before all the facts are in.
  5. Blame Muslims before all the facts are in.
  6. Pray for peace and let divine intervention do the rest.
  7. Go on social media immediately after a shooting occurs, and talk about how awful it is. Break your tweet up into multiple posts to underscore how much you care.
  8. Keep electing politicians who publicly denounce acts of violence, but then do nothing to stop it.
  9. Keep Syrian refugees out of our country. You never know when one might be a disgruntled white person in disguise.
  10. Be outraged for 2-3 days and demand change; refuse to listen to opinions other than your own; and shift your focus to the Kardashians and Starbucks cups soon thereafter.